Friday, August 20, 2010

If Not You, Then Who?

I recently received the following email from one of my phone clients, “Mary”. Mary is a very sensitive individual, and firmly committed to her spiritual path. Her email reminded me of what I notice happens with a lot of sensitive, empathic people who often feel overwhelmed by the pain they see going on in the world. Indeed, the eternal question of, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” can really haunt them. Sometimes this can be such an issue that their own well-being and health is affected.

People can literally drive themselves mad trying to answer this eternal question. It’s as if there’s a feeling that somewhere, if we look hard enough, there simply must be a reason for why things happen as they do. The idea that there might not be a reason we can know of at this time, or that there is a reason but we are not privy to it, is not very reassuring, from a existential point of view. For someone craving to know the mind of God, it can be downright uncomfortable.

It’s natural that people want to know why bad things happen to good people because it feeds into the human desire for security and predictability in life. We all want to feel safe and taken care of. We all like stability and security, and we want to trust in the Divine and life in general. How can we do that when scary things "just happen?"

In actuality, though, we live in a world where much in life is unpredictable and change is constant and often beyond our control. Things happen that seem to defy any human reasoning, and it is frightening. Where is the justice? Indeed, where is God when we need God?

And so there can be the idea that if we only knew why a certain bad thing happened to a good person, we could ensure it would not happen again (namely, to us and/or those close to us.) We could steer clear. It’s understandable. We might even secretly believe that God should be expected to ensure that only lovely things happen for us in life, because we are good people. Surely, if God is a just and loving God, we reason, that is how it all "should" work...

In the end, though, the real issue isn’t so much what is happening, as much as how we respond to what we think is happening. This people to take an internal inventory of their perceptions about life, their assumptions and judgments about how life “should be”.

It is in sitting with this question that the personal wisdom must be found, by each individual. This is our personal self responsibility. It is ultimately a more fruitful exercise than trying to run away from all “negativity”, or trying to break in to the mind of God to find reasoning for why things happen as they do.

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[Start of email thread]

Hi Adele,
It’s Mary. How are you doing? I hope that your doing great.

Well, I have a question and was wondering if you could please give me some insight pertaining to something that I don’t understand.

My question is why does God allow Horrendous acts of darkness, violence, and pain to prey on the innocent?

When I was a little girl, I was shockingly aware of all the pain on this earth and from time to time I would sit and cry for the world- my mom thought I was going crazy at the age of 9. Why I did this as a child boggles me because a small child should be playing with Barbie dolls or something. But instead I sat and I thought about all the wrong in the world and simply cried for us as a whole.

Well it’s apparent that at the age of 27 I still sit and do this. Unfortunately I tend to internalize it more and actually feel nauseous as well as a headache by the mere thought of the heinous acts that are taking place around this world.

I was watching a movie based on a true story where a serial killer brutally hacked up 20 small boys with an ax throughout the span of a year. This of course triggered my depression for the world and wondered once again why! I cried and demanded that God give me insight but nothing happened. Nine year old children being tortured by this maniac, slavery, the Holocaust, millions of kids being rapped and killed every day, and so so so much more! I simply can’t stomach it. Adele, why does God let the good subdue to the hands of evil? If I, a mere “flesh bucket” feel extreme sadness for our people, then I know our mother and father God, our creator, our best friend, our POWER, feels just as much grief over his children. But then why allow it? With all the powerful Angels, Ascended Masters, and other heavenly beings God has established out there, no innocent being should have to suffer in that manner. Karma? Free Will? Lessons we just have to learn and hence go through?! Whatever the so called reason(s), I can not fathom that much karma, free will, or whatever it maybe to ultimately be the explanation of allowing such darkness to taint, and/or shock another person’s soul and wellbeing.

I know that you feel it’s not necessary to “know” how and why this mystical process is, and that the fear of the unknown—to want to know the cosmic order of things-- just doesn’t fit into our logical flesh buckets, and therefore just maybe a waste of energy dwelling over it. And yes, it probably is a waste of energy linger over it. However, I can’t help the feelings that are at my core. I honestly would like our creator to tell me why I read in the newspaper the other day that a 7yr old girl was traded for money by her 15yr old sister to be raped by three or more men in New Jersey and it was ALLOWED! I love God with all my heart and know the unconditional love and power God has for us as his children. And that fact alone boggles me on why such horrendous crimes are allowed to be committed against the innocent. Please, if you can, give me insight onto what you have learned thus far about this?

Thank you so much,
- Mary

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Hi Mary,
Good to hear from you!

Your question is not a simple one or one that can be answered quickly. This is a topic that need thoughtful discussion, as well as clear and mature perspective. I recommend a session to go through some of this, but here is a start you can ponder.

I understand what you are saying. I would say that though, that for your benefit, it is important to pay attention to what you are tending to focus on, and where you go with it inside. It does sound like you have some assumptions that may not be serving you. If you find yourself being nauseated and overwhelmed by the suffering of others, it is worth looking at. But the issue isn’t really about “them” (the sufferers or the suffer creators) as much as it is about what this is bringing up for yourself. Indeed, this asks you to pay attention to your perception about suffering, your subconscious thoughts on how the world should be, your own sadness, etc. Trust me, we all have these programs running through us subconsciously. The key is to know what they are. If you do not know what yours are, they will tend to run you the way yours have been running you. Once you’re aware of them, they can be shifted into a new way of being in the world.

I’ve always felt that it doesn’t help the world to go into sadness and suffering for the sadness and suffering of others, since by doing so, you’re only increasing and amplifying to total amount of sadness and suffering already in the world. Make sense? If you wish to be a force for change, which I think you do, it is critical that a shift happen in your awareness about the nature of sadness and suffering. Else you will not really have ability to engage with pain in life. And, let’s face it, life does have pain. Life does have a lot of things that don’t seem to “make sense”. There are a lot of things that seem so unfair and unjust, and there always will be. Will you let them all consume you to the point you cannot function? What if there is another way to be with it?

Just noticing how you respond to such things can be a step-by-step process, and Rome wasn't built in a day. But just by starting to notice where you go inside, when you see pain in other people. It will give you some helpful clues. Most likely it is triggering something that has little to do with the people involved, and more to do with what your perception is of how things “should be”, etc.

I often see an overwhelmed kneejerk sadness or outraged response among spiritual people who want to avoid, avert from all things that involve pain and suffering in the world. It is quite understandable, is it not? We are empathic creatures. Indeed, I have felt that way too, in the past. But in my journey, I haven't found such a response to be very helpful. It certainly doesn’t mean I don’t feel sadness at certain things, I do. But I don’t sit in it to the point of checking out, because doing so is sometimes the result of a perception about life that may not really be accurate.

I think when people get dragged down by the pain of others, it’s often because they simply do not know how else to be with the pain and the caring. But there are other ways to let it go. It doesn’t have to eat up your entire nervous system. Getting dragged down only weakens your ability to respond to life, and makes you energetically check out. And it does not really help those who are suffering, either. They cannot really benefit from your sadness, even though sometimes, subconsciously, there may be the idea that feeling someone else's sadness somehow helps them process it or something...

I’ve found compassion to be the best response for transmuting and releasing misery, more effective than going into outrage or sadness. It’s a much higher, truly healing vibration. But the key to compassion is that it is impossible to really feel it for others, if you do not first know what it is like for yourself. I think this is where it would help you to go next, on your spiritual path. When we don’t know how to feel compassion for ourselves, we don’t know how to do it for what we see. So we end up, just holding on to the pain. And then it just sits there and sits there, in the energetic system and in the aura. Not good for us.

Also, often behind this pain, a lot of empathic people feel a certain judgment about it all. It can be judgment you’ve made about man, God, fate, or other things. Indeed, that’s why it hurts so much. It can also be the idea that there is something terribly wrong with the world, that the world needs fixing, and that it is up to so-called evolved people to save everyone from their own sadness, etc.

These ideas are understandable. But they are still judgments. They are big energetic resistances that cut down on our flow with life. No wonder you get nauseated...

Part of the spiritual path requires you come face to face with this stuff inside of you, before you can think about why the world is the way it is. And, of course, don’t forget that in some way, we are all responsible for creating this world. The problems you notice are not just "over there" with "those people", per se. "Those people" are often only reflecting the pain we all are already feeling "over here" as a whole. Nothing happens in a vacuum. As far as the specifics involved, that is a much deeper conversation than I can get into right now. Ditto the "why do bad things happen to good people?" question, which I think is what you were really asking about. This requires deeper dialog than I can get into right now in an email. It requires discussion.

I’ll just say that it’s funny how we have all these ideas of how spiritual people are supposed to be, etc. Isn’t it interesting? But often people don't notice how they react to the pain of others. Anyone can try to hold to spiritual ideals when things are going well. But it's when things aren't going so well that the rubber meets the road. And when people avoid pain, either of their own or that of someone else’s, sometimes the excuse they use is that they must do so, because they are "too sensitive" to deal with it.

That is OK. Nothing wrong with it, per se. I do understand. I used to feel that way also.

But every once in a while, I might simply ask folks, "Hmm. Well, how that is helpful, to be so “sensitive” that one must run away and hide your light away from the world and all its pain? Indeed, who else would be better equipped to engage the world, with all of its issues, if not someone like you, on the spiritual path?"

In other words, if not you, then who? What is the value of all the spiritual pursuits people pursue, if one still cannot find the strength accept the world as it is, and live as a powerful force for love? Must we all drop out of sadness, or be concerned with trying to “fix” everyone else, or avoid everything unpleasant because we are “too sensitive”? What if we could engage from a place of strength and compassion, rather than overwhelm and being incapacitated? Wouldn’t that ultimately be more helpful for everyone, including ourselves?

I commend you for caring about the less fortunate and innocents in the world. This is not about stopping that wonderful caring heart! But being exhausted and overwhelmed doesn’t help the world or yourself. It will keep you from living your full potential. Pain and injustice in this world isn’t about to go magically go away, much as we wish it would. So how will you be with it? Don’t forget that we are all responsible for our own inner world, our energetic health. Self responsibility is important. If you are getting nauseous, your body is telling you something needs attention around this issue.

Finally, if you can, I would recommend a session to help you move through this, to help clear this stuff from your system. It looks kind of heavy, and there are some blind spots that make it harder to move by oneself. I’m also seeing some what I call “spiritual myths” in your field that are also clogging up your system that aren't helping.

Don't worry, you aren't crazy! You just need a bit of mentoring...

Adele

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Hi Adele,
Thank you so much for answering my email and giving me some guidance because I desparately need it right now. Its tough finding a mentor in this line of work. Its not like I can log on to hotjobs.com and pull up internships pertaining to energy healing! I wish it was that easy lol.

But anywho, I totally understand what you are saying and you have shed much light onto this subject.

And yes, I do need to get with you and schedule a session soon because my stress and anxiety has build up again. Once again thank you and I will be calling you super soooooon to make an appointment for us to talk.

Thank you Adele! You're the best!

Mary

P.S. Last session you mentioned that I was strong willed and that you had to vibrate around my mind in order to get in. Is that a bad thing? In other words, is that me just being stubborn and "hard-headed?"
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[End of email thread]


I’m encouraged that Mary is feeling a shift and hopefully no longer getting nauseated by what is happening in our world. In her next session, I will do some thing to clear up some of the things clogging her nervous system,. I'll also clear some assumptions that are not serving her. I am confident Mary is on the way to moving through this, to become a stronger, happier and more vibrant Mary :)

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping smart, intuitive, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world

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1 comment:

  1. WOW! Excellent!

    This line says it all: "In the end, though, the real issue isn’t so much what is happening, as much as how we respond to what we think is happening."

    Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete