Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The biggest mistake people make with “Stress Management”

It's not the solution people think it is, if it’s mostly about coping instead of thriving.

“Susan” sat in my office, looking downcast and discouraged. Energetically, she was barely there -- her aura looked very diffuse, blotchy grey and ragged. It told me me that Susan lived her life in her mind, rather than in her body, and that she was also probably hyper-empathic and literally afraid of pain. Her intuitive energy centers were blown out and distorted, which I often notice when people are trying very hard to spiritually "see" into the meaning of things, but aren't actually feeling anything. Her emotional compass was low, and I didn't see a lot of energy in her lower body.

I could feel my office fill with the sharp waves of frustration and disappointment of Susan's energy field. She told me that she was struggling with chronic back pain. Along with that, she explained that she had been in a dysfunctional, unsatisfying marriage for over 8 years. She and her husband had reached an impasse where there was little emotional connection at all anymore.

“We have absolutely zilch communication,” she said, referring to her husband. “We don’t share much emotionally. He’s not interested. We bought a house together, but besides that, we’re mostly just a roommate situation now and it’s been that way for years.”

I asked her why she had sought me out, and what it was she wanted in our work together.

"I just want to be less stressed,” she said. “More spiritually aware.”
 She pulled out a small blue pouch from her purse, and showed me the small crystals in it. “I carry these,” she said, as I held the beautiful stones.

I asked her what she had tried to resolve the situation. “I meditate every day and focus on my chakras,” she replied. “I go to yoga. I work real hard to focus only on the positive. I’m taking an online course in shamanism. I go about my business and do what I want.”

 “And what about Steve?” I inquired. 

“Well, he does his own thing,” she replied, looking down at her hands.

“Is that working?” I asked.

“I just don't think about it. I don't let it bother me,” she answered, resolutely.

She sat stiffly and in a focused way. I could sense how bound and determined she was to stay on her path of personal growth. I admired that about her, and told her as much. And yet I could feel into the depth of her stress and sadness. It was palpable.

She had done so much work to reduce her stress and tried so many spiritual "stress management" things.
And obviously, it still wasn’t working.

As I listened to her describe more details of her situation and all the things she was doing to balance her energy, I felt her desire to escape her life and her pain. Although she called what she was doing “stress management” and “spiritual growth,” the irony was that I could see that these things were just adding to her pain. They were helping her avoid doing anything about the situation to bring things to resolution.

There was a time when I thought like Susan. I saw “stress management” as mostly a collection of spiritual and physical practices that one would do to get back to before-the-pain neutral -- stuff like meditation, breathing exercises, positive thinking, with a bit of yoga thrown in. Or how-to stuff like learning new ways to organize my overbooked calendar to better manage my time. Or metaphysical steps like carrying around special crystals around to ward off negative energy.

Secretly I did these practices hoping they would make me more “positive”.
Then, I thought, I could manifest what I wanted and then be less stressed. Without actually having to do anything scary. Isn't that how it's supposed to go? Can you relate?

The more I sit with clients who have done all sorts of stress management techniques, I see the benefits, certainly. But I also notice the gaping holes of where it has often led everyone. Emotional avoidance. Spiritual bypass. Procrastination to meditate some more. Lots of doing to try to be more spiritual, to avoid feeling anything, or deflection to put off making scary decisions. Although some stress management helps in the short term, sometimes in the long term, they just keep people more stuck in situations that aren’t working because people put off taking actions to solve problems. The stress management is more a short-term solution. From my point of view, stress management from this perspective isn’t enough.

It’s time to change the question from, “How can I manage my stress?” to more, “How can I really thrive in this life?” 
Can you feel into the energetic difference between these two questions? One is about managing and coping, hanging on for another day. It’s like being stuck in first gear. You move a bit, sure, but not much, and the whole focus is on pain relief. Or, at best, breaking even and getting back to blah neutral.

The other, with its focus on thriving, is on actually creating something you want. It opens up a lot more answers for true stress relief.

After all, who wants just to cope and "manage" their stress for another day?
Instead, what we want is for ideas come in, insights to develop, problems to get resolved. This way things no longer feel like the movie, “Groundhog Day”, with the same distressing things happening over and over. Meditation can be more useful. Instead of being an escape from life, which it was never meant to be about, meditation can be be a tool to clear the mind to invite in better solutions and new actions.



With Susan, I used gentle inquiry and EFT in a way that helped her feel emotionally and energetically grounded so she could step more fully into what she really felt in her marriage. Not what she wanted to feel. But what she really, honestly felt and what she wanted. 

And for the first time in 10 years, Susan was able to take actions that started her down a path towards creating a much more fulfilling life. 

Her chronic back pain healed quickly, and she no longer needed the almost daily pain medications. Her chronic insomnia also cleared up. She started having vivid, spiritually guided dreams that spoke to her.


She also stopped trying meditate her pain away. 
Instead, she meditated to help her take actions towards what she knew she needed to do. In fact, she cut the amount of meditation down by almost half but got much more benefit than before.  Today, I am happy to report that Susan is so much happier and excited about her life, physically pain-free, and moving forward toward a life of new possibilities.

So, for ultimate stress management, I invite you to skip past the desire to just get rid of pain in the moment. 
Use your mojo and dive deep into whatever is going on. What's stealing your joy? What is it that you really need? Find the truth that lives there within you. Your chakras will respond accordingly, and not the other way around. After all, “stress” is probably something in you trying to tell you about what you need to be happier. How would you know if it wasn’t there? Why not listen and see what happens?

I’d love to hear from you -- what’s your mojo telling you needs to be confronted these days for you to really reduce your stress so you can thrive in This Thing Called Life? Inquiring minds want to know!

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Use Your Seasonal Energetic Powers and Stop Pushing Rocks Uphill

Hi, Adele Wang here. If you've been feeling tired, overwhelmed, and exhausted, here's a tip that I think will help you in amplifying your energy.

I'm in the middle of the forest. It's fall. It's my favorite time of the year. It's the time of year for harvest if you're a farmer. And if you look at the leaves, they are letting go. It's a time for celebration on the calendar for Thanksgiving and Halloween. And preparing for the winter.

I want to ask you…do you have a sense internally of where you are in your seasons?

When women work more with their natural seasons, and it doesn't have to be with the physical seasons of the year, you will naturally have more energy, because you're going to be working more with your natural rhythm! You may be in one season with your relationship, another season with your career, third with fitness.

Do you know if you are in spring, summer, fall, or winter?

Spring is a time of great ideas...planting seeds.

Summer is a time of patience...do the work... till the soil. You don't want to pull anything out before it's time, just to try to make it grow faster.

Fall is a time of harvest. Appreciate what you grew. Celebrate! And it's time to let go of what's no longer serving you.

And then moving down into winter, which is a time of deep rest.

If you look at these trees in a few months, it will look like nothing's going on up here. There might be snow on the ground. But underneath in the roots there's a lot of activity.

Women are the same. Our culture in general has this idea we want things to be in spring and summer all the time! 365 x 7.

And if you're a farmer you know what happens if you try to do that. You wear out the land. You wear out the soil.

Take a moment to appreciate what has gone well.

What are the fruits of your labor?

What have you grown?

And celebrate.

And it's time to take account of what's not working. Let it go. You don't need to keep hanging on to every leaf if you're a tree...let it go so that you can move into winter for deeper rest. If you don't rest, you will never have the resources for a good spring.

Our culture is afraid of winter. We're very uncomfortable with rest, death. Because we are not always sure there's going to be a rebirth.

But just like in nature, the snow always melts when spring comes and it's a little bit like that with us.

You might be in spring with your relationship, and fall in another part of your life. Do you have a sense of where you are in these different phases? So that you can work with the natural energy and not be trying to play spring and summer all the time at everything - burning yourself out.

And when you have a more internal sense of where you are, then the deeper practice is...let's say you are unsure...am I stuck because I'm not able to move forward because I'm really heading into fall and winter and I need rest?

Or are you stuck because there's some limiting thing that I need to work through? And if you can get clarity on that...instead of beating yourself up and working harder...you're going to get a lot more results!

Take a lesson from Mother Earth and work with your natural energy.

And just remember, even if you're afraid of letting go and moving into winter...spring always comes!

Check out my video on this topic:



What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Friday, November 4, 2016

Your Spiritual Toolset -- 10 Must-Haves

Everyone knows the importance of eating a well-balanced diet to staying healthy. But did you know that a well-balanced spiritual toolset can help you be at your best in stressful times? Just like how different foods give you different nutrients, different spiritual tools give you different support on your journey.

We are mind, body and spirit. Your spiritual toolset should have different tools that support you in this way. There are so many good practices available. In general, however, I have found in my experience with clients that people tend to get better results when they utilize a wide range of tools instead of focusing deeply on only one. Even if you do different practices half-way or only at novice level, that is still better than becoming an expert in one practice. It’s the cross-blend of tools which address the body, mind and spirit that creates the best result, rather than one specific tool. Sometimes people tend to focus on the one practice they do the most, and sometimes forget that there are other types of support they need.

Here are 10 practices, grouped by type, that I’ve found to be helpful. Consider them for your spiritual toolset.

For Your Mind

1. Meditation – whether guided, unguided, in movement or in stillness, any kind of meditation is better than none at all. Pick a style you like and commit to meditating regularly. Clinical research has shown that meditation for an uninterrupted length of at least 11 minutes a day is a threshold that starts to produce additional health benefits. But even a few minutes of clearing your mind will do wonders for your stress level.

2. EFT – Sometimes called “tapping” or “Emotional Freedom Technique”, EFT is a powerful technique for releasing stuck energies in your mind so you can move forward in your life. Our minds, left to their own clever devices, tend to focus on trying to understand things. But understanding does not always bring relief. Tapping, when done properly, can bring in relief. Basic EFT how-to instructions are readily available on the internet. For deeper work, consider work with a practitioner.

3. Journaling – by putting thoughts on to paper and getting them out of your head, journaling can be cathartic, insightful, and clarifying. It is often easier to let things go, once they are fully expressed and worked through.

For Your Body

4. Exercise – No other practices can substitute for the benefits of physical movement. Your body is a spiritual instrument, and it requires the right maintenance. Consider that exercise is a spiritual practice. The Shaolin monks in ancient China understood this, and that is why they practiced deep meditation and vigorous exercise. Exercise improves the quality of meditation. Most people simply don’t move enough every day. This impacts our physical and emotional health. Find a way of moving that you like. This could be hiking, dance, a brisk walk, or a trip to the gym. For best results, focus on getting your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes at a time, 3 – 4x/week. You’ll feel the stress relief quickly.

5. Time in nature – We were meant to be more connected to the earth than most of us are living these days. Make a conscious effort to reconnect to Mother Earth. It can be as simple as “earthing”, which is the practice of standing on the earth with your bare feet, letting the power of the Earth’s magnetic core fill you. Nature reaches us in a way nothing else can.

6. Embodiment awareness – Most people live in their heads and energetically outside their bodies. This makes people irritable and feeling off center. Embodiment practices put our awareness back into our bodies so we can feel better, more in balance. This can be done through tai chi, yoga, martial arts, Art of Feminine Presence ®practices, massage, or body energetic healing practices, such as Reiki or acupuncture.

For Your Spirit

7. Shadow work – This is one of the most powerful tools in self-growth and consciousness work. “Shadow work” addresses the parts of ourselves we don’t know very well , the parts of us we have disowned that are in our blind spots. Once we integrate these parts of ourselves back in, immense personal and spiritual power is reclaimed. One book that covers this is, “The Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford. Shadow work is easier with a mentor but you can do a lot for yourself by being curious and open.

8. An attitude of gratitude – It can be hard to look for gratitude when things are challenging, but it is one of the most powerful spiritual practices you can do. I find it more powerful to hold gratitude for the smallest, tiniest of things each day, rather than reciting gratitude for the bigger, obvious things. The size of the thing you are grateful for doesn’t matter as much as how much you noticed and appreciated it.

9. Archetype work -- A powerful line of spiritual inquiry and inner growth, working with archetypes is about understanding universal patterns and our inner world. Things stop feeling so raw as we develop insight in moving from personal into a more trans-personal or universal perspective. There are several archetype systems you can explore, ranging from the Jungian Enneagram system to Caroline Myss’ “Sacred Contracts” work, to books that delve into collective myth like Clarissa Este’s “Women Who Run With the Wolves”. Be curious about archetypes and allow the universal power of them to help guide you on your journey. A mentor can help with this type of work.

10. Relationship Nurturing – Make it a conscious practice to feed and connect with your most important relationships every day. This includes yourself. We all have a basic need for connection with others in order to thrive. Treat your relationships with the care they deserve. It’s easy to take them for granted when we are under stress. So now you have 10 practices to consider. Don’t worry about trying to develop mastery in any of them. Instead, take bits and pieces of them, along with a bit of commitment to yourself to mix and match, and watch yourself move forward more easily in your life.

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

How To Work With A Psychic (Livestream)

In my work, the subject of psychics often comes up. Many of my clients have intuitive abilities or are working with intuitives. There's often confusion or misunderstanding about what psychic information is. I shot this Facebook Livestream clip to answer questions about how to best work with psychic and intuitive information.


I'm open to your thoughts on this rather controversial topic!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Friday, July 8, 2016

How to stay calm when it feels like the world is falling apart

Perhaps like me, you’ve been shocked, saddened and dismayed at the tragic events that have unfolded over the past couple of weeks. 

The impact of all of these events can feel so big. As a spiritual being, maybe you wonder what you can do. The emotions swirling around can feel so heavy. For me, with every news update this week, I was horrified, then saddened, and then horrified again. Even going to the grocery store felt different, as if everyone in the checkout line was more pre-occupied than normal. And going online to social media certainly didn't help...

If this is what you’ve been feeling, here’s a 3 step process that has helped me. Maybe it will help you:

Step 1 -- Find your peace 


This is paramount. Regain control of your own energy from the chaos around you. Nothing gets better if everyone is knocked off center with fear, horror and shock. What the world needs now more than ever are people who can stay calm in the midst of chaos. People who can do this will be the inspirational leaders for others who desperately need it.

One way to do this is through a simple, intentional exercise with your breath. Rather than resisting the pain or getting lost in it, do the following: Take a simple inhale of your breath and breathe in the pain, whether it’s yours or someone else’s. On your breath exhale, say quietly to the Divine, “Please release everyone from this suffering” or some other simple prayer. Do this gently a few times and you will feel the tenseness in your body release.


Step 2 -- Know that inner peace is the opposite of passivity


Some people have confused peace with passivity. 

From years of working with people, one energetic pattern that sometimes emerges goes something like this: "Peace is good, so I want peace. Peace means no conflict. So that means conflict is bad. I don't want conflict because that's hard and I want peace. Therefore, I don't want to do anything that could cause conflict. So I have to already be at peace with everything and pray that whatever happens happens, so I'm just surrendered and spiritually evolved and I don't have to actually do anything and it is all as it was meant to be."

Obviously there is a lot going on with this line of thinking that is not helpful. I know because I used to think this way myself. It is fear-based, passive, and ironically, it only contributes to more of the same problems happening again because, well, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Peace is the opposite of passivity. Peace is an active energy, one that recognizes how interconnected everyone and everything is. Passivity is self-centered and stagnant -- nothing moves, and there's no real connection to anyone or anything.

I lived for years thinking that if nothing happening, that was "peaceful" but the reality was that it was passive, stagnant, boring and disconnected. Now I know the difference. Peace means I cannot turn a blind eye to what is hurting other people and pretend it doesn't matter. It may not be easy to go there, but I don't shy away from it either. In contrast, passivity sends people into a spiritual bypass of focusing only on happy thoughts because it is simply easier that way and on some level they think that's productive. "Think happy thoughts and only good things will result!"

It's no surprise that people have resorted to learned helplessness or confusing peace with passivity. After all, it takes a lot of spiritual stamina to listen to all aspects of complex situations. But it's necessary in order to find inspired action. 

Peace doesn’t even mean you have to be quiet or anything specific at all. It just means you’ve found an inner source for strength and clarity that’s louder than the chaos outside. It is what paves the way for inspired action.

There are plenty of problems in the world and everyone wants change. But you cannot hope to be part of any sort of positive change if you are afraid of to listen to those with whom you don’t agree. You also cannot be part of the change if you are only caught up with the shock and emotion.


Step 3 -- Take inspired action


This is a natural result of Steps 1 and 2. Inspired actions come from a higher energetic place than only using the emotion of the moment.

If you want better race relations, what would happen if you could got to know your fellow colleague at the office a  bit better?

If you don’t like the laws on an issue, what would happen if you took the time to vote, rather than assuming that your vote doesn't matter?

Inspired action has a better chance for success than action driven only by emotion because it's more intentional.

Do you have this courage? I’ll bet you do!

Everyone, we always have a choice...


Peaceful strength or passive indifference?

Inspired action or emotional over-reaction?

We always have a choice. If we choose wisely, pain and chaos can be channeled into the real change we want to see in the world.

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Saturday, March 12, 2016

How to say "NO" (without needing an excuse or explanation)

In the previous post, I talked about how not to accidentally end up saying "yes" to things you don't want to do.

Once you know you don't want to do something, then what? Do you tend to say "no" and feel compelled to provide a reason or explanation? What do you do if people demand to know why you can't do something for them?





What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

How to Say "NO" (or at least not say "Yes" when you don't want to)

The first step in saying "No" to people is to not accidentally end up saying "Yes.

That might sound obvious, but it's actually a big deal for people who have a habit of saying "Yes" to everything, before they've really had a chance to feel things out. Whether it's out of a desire to please other people or a sense of guilt, the result is the same -- feeling frustrated and drained, with a touch of "Why does this keep happening to me?" resentment thrown in.

Other people are always going to continue asking what they do. We can count on that, right? So we might as well accept that we live in a world where there are constantly more demands coming at us than any of us can handle. 

But no matter how needy everyone else is, we don't have to live lives of frustration and depletion.  It certainly can end up that way, if we're not aware of ourselves. But it's not necessary.  

That's why I believe it's so important that everyone has tools to manage their energy to deal with the daily what I call "Can-you-would-you's". Sensitive people are especially prone to doing things they don't want to do because they tend to disconnect from their own energy field. Other peoples' energies can be so overwhelming for them that it takes them longer to get an accurate read on how they really feel about something. 

Here is a basic survival technique that helped me as a sensitive person. Frankly, I think every sensitive person should have this in their back pocket. I use this every day to manage the overwhelm. Hope it helps.



What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

How not to be more spiritual

A couple weeks ago I lost my dad. To say that I've been in a period of deep sorrow would be an understatement. His passing was relatively unexpected. The past couple of weeks have been a blur of activities of flying home, making arrangements, talking to people and supporting my mom and my brother.


Through this experience,  I have met so much kindness and compassion from people from all areas of my life. For that I am so grateful.

I also encountered some reactions as well, some of which were, shall we say, rather interesting.



One woman, a seeker who has done a lot of spiritual work throughout the years, extended her condolences by saying that my sadness wouldn't be that bad because I already knew how to heal myself. She said that since I have great techniques for feeling better and letting things go that I would be OK.  I would already have the inner knowing that my dad was moving on to other things, and so his passing would not be as bad as it might be for other people, since I would have the comfort in knowing that everything was fine in the grand scheme of things.

Really.

And yet I wasn't all that surprised. People who talk this way are usually folks who cannot be fully present with someone else's pain. It scares them, and there's the reaction of, "I must do something to reframe this so it's positive thing so this person feels better, pronto!!" I understand this. These folks also usually have trouble being fully present with their own pain. Still, I wonder if they really think what they are saying is even remotely supportive, spiritual or helpful. What is the point of so much spiritual practice if in the end you still simply cannot handle pain? Life has pain, does it not? Do you spend your whole life trying to avoid pain, as if it were like a bad infection? Where did we get the spiritual idea that pain is something to be avoided, that it is a bad thing? And that correspondingly it is something you cannot afford to let yourself really feel it or support someone else who is still in it?

Feeling down? Meditate it away and you will feel better. Feeling sad? Change your vibration! In grief? Know that it's all good and everything is as it should be.

It's crazy to think that spiritual healers would or should feel less grief than anyone else, just because we have "great techniques for feeling better".  


What kind of nuttiness is that? If this isn't coming from a place of spiritual bypass, I don't know what is.

True spiritual practice (aka "how to be more spiritual") was never intended to lobotomize or anesthetize us from pain and sorrow. It was never meant to be used to escape the sorrows of life. It was never about mastering a bunch of fancy metaphysical techniques to make all sadness go away so that we can cling to the sunny side of life.

Right now, I'm just trying to be as fully present with the sorrow and grief as I can. There's plenty of it, certainly. Yes, maybe it would be easier just to check out from it all and go into the "oneness" to avoid feeling sorrow.. But I think it's more human and healthy to meet the pain head on, with full presence and openess. It's better for me, my family and even my clients if I can stay open even when it hurts.  They can feel that I am present with the sadness and not trying to meditate it all away. In doing so, it helps them feel through their sadness as well.

Be real. Be more open. Be more real and open. And in doing that, life meets you in a fuller, more complete way. Put aside all your energetic healing techniques and have the courage to feel what is really going on.

And that is what the spiritual walk has always been about, anyway..

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Monday, December 14, 2015

Don’t wait too long on the sidelines – you might miss the game altogether

Ever feel like you’re looking through a time-warp looking glass and you wonder whether it was you that moved or if it was the looking glass?

Sometimes it feels like déjà vu. And sometimes it is a big relief that is not déjà vu at all. At least, that is the way it was for me recently.

Recently I ran into “Susan” with whom I had taken some healer development classes with over a decade ago.

Back then, Susan and I were both so excited about the possibilities of what we were learning. It was a blast to work with energy healing and see the impact it had on peoples’ physical and emotional healing.  We were inspired at the possibilities. We loved the work, the practice, all the possibilities of being able to help people in this way.

And so it was quite natural that we all wondered what it might be like to pursue doing this type of work for a living.


What would it be like to be a professional healer?  How would it be to spend our days helping people recover from injuries and illnesses faster?


It seemed almost too fabulous to imagine at first, and yet the idea of it felt so potentially rewarding it was impossible to set aside.

We dreamed, we pondered, we practiced. We shared the possibilities and potentials with each other, and then we dreamed some more.

A career helping people with energy and spirit! How fulfilling and rewarding that would be. We both agreed this was what we really wanted to do.

It was also clear that becoming a healer was not a path that was charted by many people. Both Susan and I were wanting to leave corporate America and do something more meaningful.  I was working as an analyst in information technology, and although I did well at it, inside it felt dry and uninspiring. Meanwhile, Susan held a high-level executive position at a Fortune 50 company. She hated her job, which came with a heavy travel schedule and a constant grind of 70 hours a week.

Was it do-able, to switch from corporate respectability to something so, well, different


Was it even viable, from a financial point of view?


The assumption always seemed to be "no". And there-in right there was the rub -- the confusion, the lack of direction. That there weren’t many successful role models around that we could look learn from didn't help. (In my cynicism, I noted that there were many more people teaching energy healing than actually running successful practices.)

Susan and I often spoke of our desire to leave the corporate world. The whole thing, it seemed, just boiled down to an issue of the “right time” to do so.

Upon completing the program, Susan and I went our separate ways. I lost touch with her, though I heard through the grapevine that she had moved on to study more forms of healing. Given her talent with energy and her enthusiasm, I thought that was great.

I resumed my work in IT. Things seemed to go back to normal on the outside. But inside, it was a different story.

I don’t remember at what point I consciously decided that I was going to find a way to create a professional healing practice. 


There wasn’t a defining moment. It was so unlike me, someone who always preferred things nicely planned out.  All I knew is that I was technically good enough with energy to help a lot of people. And then at some point, it was as if something bigger than me grabbed me and pulled me forward.

At every step in the path, it was all I could do to stop kicking and screaming with myself. At some point, I resorted to just surrendering to what was expected of me in the moment. I didn’t understand why I had such inner resistance to moving forward, but I did. And somehow I could not retreat backwards or stop, either.

And so I moved the only way I could, which was forward. 


There was the continuing technical development of a healer that I embraced, of course. This part of the journey actually excited me. I love learning. In fact, I don’t think any healer worth their salt should ever feel like they know it all, and there’s no shortage of new ways to work with energy to expand one’s craft. I studied with prominent healers like Rosalyn Bruyere and others.


Then I discovered there were a lot of practical issues that I had to absorb, as far as how to get a practice up and running. Most healers have little knowledge in this area, since healer programs don't typically prepare their graduates in this way. That means anyone who is serious about building a practice has to have the initiative to learn these important things on their own. Most healers are woefully unprepared for what it really takes to run a practice successfully. Some imagine that all that is needed is being good at what you do and the clients will magically show up.

Last and probably most importantly, there’s a considerable amount of internal emotional work that’s required. Healers see and hear a lot of things that the average bear simply does not. This is not a path for the faint of heart, and it demands a certain amount of internal stamina, groundedness, honesty and the willingness to do some deep spiritual and emotional inner inquiry. Otherwise, all you are is a practitioner with a certification.


Fast forward to my recent conversation with Susan again. I had not spoken to her since the day we completed the healership development program 10 years ago.

As we caught up, a strange feeling overcame me as Susan told me she had remained in her corporate job for the last 12 years. In fact, it was just this month that she was retiring finally pursue her dreams of being an energy healer.

I was surprised. How could someone so excited about her inner calling stay so long in a position she hated so much? What had kept her from doing any of her heart's calling?


I also noticed that our conversation about working with energy and helping people was basically the same as it was 10 years ago. It was as if nothing had changed. But for me, hearing the same words now felt different inside because I had changed. It was no longer about “some day” because I had gone out and done it. Susan had spent the last 12 years of her life doing something she hated, waiting to retire so she could then do what she really wanted. In that time, I had decided I would move forward anyway, just to see what could happen. I have been very glad I did.

I didn't judge her, but I knew I could never live that way.


I knew there was no way to express all of this to Susan. And it certainly wasn't because I felt like an uber-courageous or superior person. But in that moment, I saw the crystallized value of taking a chance. I knew I would never have to look back, regretting spending much of my life doing something I did not like. I might have felt half crazy along the way to do what I was doing, and there have been numerous obstacles I've had to overcome, but a basic sense of persistence and commitment helped me find a way to generate an abundant practice (which seems to be the main sticking point for many people in moving forward with their dreams).


To Susan, most of this is still just a dream.  And that is fine. Some things only come through experience. But the fact is, running a practice and seeing clients every day is nothing like taking classes in energy healing, and there is no way anyone knows that until they do it.

I had an image of Susan sitting on the sidelines of her favorite sporting event for 12 years, waiting for the day she might play on the field herself. And the only thing keeping her from playing is herself. It was never really about the money or the right time.

Everyone needs to make these kinds of decisions for their own lives. There is no "right" answer.


I know that everyone is on their path in their own way. There's no rule that says anyone has to do anything. I only know what’s right for me. I would only say, to those who have a dream inside, it's OK to dream. Just don’t wait too long for the “right time” or “some day”. You might miss the game all together.

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Would you like energy with your beauty pageant?

Maybe you've never been wild about beauty pageants.

At least, that's how I've always been. To me, they've seemed like rather curious, superficial events. All those phony smiles on stage, the odd way the women walk in their evening gowns and swim suits, the contrived way of speaking when answering interview questions -- the whole thing always sort of baffled me.

I could never relate. What was the point of these events? What was supposedly accomplished?

So when I was working with "Lisa" on anxiety and she told me she had been selected as a finalist in an upcoming national beauty pageant, I had an opportunity to sit with all of these interesting thoughts.


Certainly Lisa had the looks of a beauty queen. She has that cover girl kind of beauty that smacks you in between the eyes. With thick long blond hair, blue eyes and a lovely figure, she's stunning in a very natural way.
“It’s just one of those things,” she said, referring to her looks in a rather off-hand way. “I had absolutely nothing to do with this. I was born this way.”

Lisa wanted help with anxiety, and that was no problem. I've done that successfully a zillion times in my work.

But being in a beauty pageant?


Well, as a licensed Art of Feminine Presence instructor, I knew I was very good at helping women amp up their personal presence on stage. But most of the women I've worked with have wanted to stand out authentically to attract the kind of attention they want. Energetic presence work allows a woman to make a strong first impression, whether it be on stage, on video or in her personal life.

Could the same work be applied for a beauty contest, a setting that, shall we say, isn't set up for the deepest expression of authenticity on planet Earth? Probably. But there were some unique twists that I had never sat with before.

(It’s that funny word again, “authenticity”… what do we do with that in the context of a beauty contest?)

First, to better serve Lisa, I educated myself by doing some research about the pageant world.

I was astounded.

It was a glimpse into a world I never knew existed. Youtube has a plethora of clips on everything from, “How to do the pageant walk,” to “How to do the perfect pageant interview,” “About competition gowns,” etc. Dozens of websites sell (very expensive) pageant gowns espouse tips on what pageant judges want, etc.

The more I learned, the more annoyed I felt. The idea that women can compete against each other and be judged in this way (swim suit, anyone??) never sat well with me.

And here I was, watching videos teaching young women how to walk in high heels and evening gown. I was half amused and half irritated. Was I supposed to be impressed at how well a woman did her pageant circle turn? How deftly she popped her leg, dipped on one hip and posed for the camera?

And don’t even get me started about the swimsuit competition -- women walking around on stage with swimsuits and high heels.

“This is nuts!” I thought. “No woman in her right mind walks around in high heels with a swim suit! Where do they come up with this?”

And then I began to notice a glaring hole in everything I was reviewing. 

For all the talk from pageant coaches about how to walk, turn, attract attention, etc, nowhere was there any awareness or understanding about a woman’s presence.

Basically, the message was confusing. Be yourself -- but not too much. Be confident -- but don’t swing your arms this way or that way. <

It was ironic -- given that a pageant is supposed to celebrate womanhood and femininity, nowhere in the discussions was there any awareness about feminine essence. There wasn't much on personal presence either, except perhaps vague encouragements for candidates to “be confident.”


And how, exactly, does a woman go about doing that? That piece of critical “how-to” was always missing. Instead, the assumption seemed to be that if a woman did all the physical cues right, such as walking in the right way, or projecting her voice the right way when answering a question, she would come across confident.

And yet, it's understandable. If pageant coaches don’t know how to work with a woman’s internal energy, it makes sense that physical cues would be seen as the answer. But presence is not something that comes from mastering a specific walk as much as a quality that is allowed to emerge.

After watching a bunch of videos, I surmised that beauty pageants are about how well a woman presents herself. The rest of what’s really going on, (ie “beauty contest”), gets glossed over, probably because most people already know that it doesn’t make sense to judge beauty in this way. It would be like trying to determine which flower variety out of the thousands available is the most attractive.

But now, aside from physical attributes, people can be judged on “poise” and “presentation.”

And on that I knew I could help.

Maybe I don’t agree with the premise of beauty contests, but I do believe it is useful for a woman to know how to present herself well. It is useful for a woman to know how to attract the kind of attention she wants so that she can attract personal and professional success. And that quality has less to do with how well a woman pops her leg on stage than with personal presence.

I knew I could help Lisa with presence. I could help her access in her feminine essence so she could step into her full amplified energetic presence. It would probably be her secret competitive advantage that no one else on stage would know about.

I also knew that Lisa had no real awareness of her feminine essence or presence yet. She, like many women today, tended to live in her head. (So it was no surprise she was dealing with a lot of anxiety too...)

The question I wrestled with was, could I put Lisa more in her natural radiance and not have to contradict what her (very expensive)  pageant coaches were telling her to do? (How to walk, what to say, what not to say, etc.)

Because true presence is about authenticity...

Meanwhile, the overall message from the pageant world seemed to be, "Don’t be controversial. Judges hate controversy."


I felt conflicted inside. Lisa has strong opinions on things and she's a very intelligent, thoughtful woman.  How much did Lisa want to win versus truly being her authentic self in this experience? What did she really want inside? Would we have to compromise to “play the game”, so to speak?

Even the professional pageant coaches seem to struggle with this issue. (One coach's advice to contestants: “Be a queen. Not yourself.”)

Lisa was torn on this. She said she was hoping for a balance on the two issues. Only she knows where that internal line is. I agreed to work with her in that way.

We started applying Art of Feminine Presence practices

I asked Lisa to show me her “pageant walk” in the hallway in my office. The first time she did so, I was incredulous. "Seriously?" I thought. "No woman actually walks like that in an evening gown!"  It felt so contrived, weirdly slow, so artificial.

I then showed her some simple Art of Feminine Presence practices and asked her to add them into her walk. For one thing, I asked her to have a more energetic awareness in her lower body and to engage with the space immediately around her a bit differently.

Immediately, “BAM!!” 

Lisa's entire presentation in her evening gown walk changed. She was instantly much more magnetic to watch. Mesmerizing, actually.

I was shocked. Even after teaching Art of Feminine Presence practices to so many women, I was still surprised that such simple things could make such a huge difference. I could feel it all the way across the hall, 20 feet away.


“How does that feel?” I asked her.

Lisa nodded, saying that it actually felt good to be in her body this way. As she walked up an down the hall outside my office, she said she could really feel the difference between when she was “in” her presence and when she was “out.”

And, best of all, she felt less anxious.

Personally, that was all I cared about. It was the one thing would help her, no matter what. That, plus the fact that now that now her evening gown walk didn't look so odd anymore because it had a whole lot more of her in it, would only be a plus. I didn’t care about the technicalities of the way she turned or how her head and shoulders were supposed to move. With a few simple tips, everything Lisa did now had more palpable energetic and magnetic presence and it looked much better.

And Lisa felt a lot better too.

I was determined that we would MAKE all this pageant stuff look as naturally magnetic as possible, given the confines we had to work within.

So now we have to do the same work for swimsuit as well as evening gown. (I had no idea pageant girls are advised to have a slightly different walk for swim suit than evening gown. Who knew?)


We have a lot to work on before the event, including getting her ready for her interview. Lisa speaks well but she is not used to speaking from her energetic power center. Instead, like many women today, she tends to speak from her head. She keeps wanting a script, to think up her answers first. I keep reminding her that a script is no good in in this context. There’s no way to script an answer to every possible question that could show up on stage. And a scripted answer comes across, well, scripted...

She will have to access a different resource, one of energy and the moment. The judges will feel that difference, and so will everyone else.

Lisa is doing great with these tips and finding a way to balance it with what her pageant coaches want her to do. I am so grateful I can offer women this powerful work. And meanwhile, I look forward to helping Lisa go all out for her big day!

What do you think? I welcome your comments!

Before you go ... Would you like a great way to feel better fast when life gets tough and you're stressed?


Adele Wang
Certified energy healer and mentor, helping sensitive, spiritual, perfectionist women create happiness and success in an imperfect world!

Connect with me on:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTnQjQ47dZP3Fb9rgctM6Q http://www.facebook.com/SafeHavenHealing.net https://twitter.com/AdeleWang_

Copyright © 2010-2017. Adele Wang. All Rights Reserved